Oh, you pretty things...

"The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong at the broken places." - Ernest Hemingway



I just have to write this out. This isn't to or specifically for anyone. I just have to...physically see my thoughts written out.

Sometimes, you can't understand things unless you go through them. Marriage, pain, love, hatred, anger, sex, lust, poverty, abuse, selfishness, addiction...sometimes no matter what anyone tells you about certain things, you'll never fully know what they are talking about unless you experience it. Then on the other hand, you have people who think they have experienced them, when the worst they have had happen to them is an undecided decision about wedding colors and an unexpected work schedule.

Where is the balance of feeling? How important is what you feel? How much of feeling is reality?

What I believe is so important to me. If I didn't believe in God, I'd be dead. I have to hold onto something. I know I am fragile and desperate and give way to feelings. I would fall apart if I didn't have someone holding me together.

I must confess that sometimes I get majorly egotistical and feel pretty amazing for believing in something that I've never physically seen. It's all sort of one step above my imaginary belief in vampires and werewolves. But mostly, I'm a mess of a person who realizes that I would have fallen apart a long time ago if it wasn't for something out there that was holding me together.

I'm not awesome or special because I believe in God. I'm needy, self destructive, codependent and weak.

That's why I need Him.

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